His entire purpose was to find out truth from me. If you are in a monogamous relationship and your exs texting you is making your heart throb in your stomach, you need to spill it to your partner. We invested a lot of time in one another so it's nice to learn how the other is turning out. But other times, a conversation with your ex can also provide your ex with an opportunity to: When your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend contacts you years later, your ex finally gets over the anger, disgust, contempt, or suffocation caused by unhealthy perceptions and becomes okay with talking with you. When we experience a sense of danger or face threats, most of us immediately are driven to seek out our support network members. I'll respond when she texts but it's usually something really superficial and she doesn't make an effort to continue a conversation anymore. I had an ex reaching out to me after 4 years, he left me for someone else but never owned up to it after the breakup, but I knew and so did many of our friends. Talking to an ex after years can haunt you with memories, so buckle up. If youre feeling a bit confused and overwhelmed by your ex contacting you, speak to a trusted friend or family member. Apparently he had heard a rumor that I had found out I was pregnant after we broke up and had aborted the baby. You were important to each other once. I've never really had the desire to reach back into the past, but I have to say it's been nice to remember how different I was when I was young and laugh at myself. What do you think? Thank you Zan for your perspective. Ah, ex sex. I think she just wanted to test the waters for a while since she missed you. The only way to stop overthinking in this situation is by either ignoring the message or giving a very indifferent response, which basically screams out that your ex doesnt matter to you anymore. Its easy to indulge an ex when you still have lingering feelings toward them. You live separate lives now and he needs to respect that. He contacted me on the exact date we broke up 4 years ago in february. Most people go through lifehidingparts of their character because theyre afraid of being judged. Don't immediately reply and take some time to think it over to figure out what you ultimately want out of this interaction. I understand someone might just want a quick chat. This is a possibility if you ended the relationship on good terms. Takeaway In such situations, it is important to understand that the ex is texting when the ex feels like it. Her requirements werent clear and she wanted me to make suggestions about what to do, but her first question was: I dont know if you want us to go back to before, where we are living in separate places?. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. You and your ex may not be friends on social media, but theyve managed to gain access to your page, and they know all about the wonderful life youre living without them. Most adults in their 40s and up spent long hours on the telephone as teenagersthey were the way we deepened friendships, kindled romances, and were able to comfortably whisper our deepest secrets or express our angerwhen there was no other way to get close to the friend, romantic interest, or ex-romantic interest. But at the same time, youre curious as to why they are reaching out. Shes now married with a kid and said being married is hard, having a family is hard. Maybe you were really close with one of your exs friends or family members, and theyre either seriously ill and on their deathbed, or they died suddenly. Such dumpers often get nostalgic, hurt, and depressed so they contact an ex they used to be close to and come running back faster than greased lightning. Your ex-partner must have kept a tab on you. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. If you dont want to reply, you dont have to and you frankly shouldnt. If they have written, Hey! He sent me another not long after, again I read it and deleted it. I doubt that that's why he would reach out, he's the one who got apologies from me shortly after the breakup (which he did get shortly after, but probably not in the most though through way) thanks for sharing. Now shes unblocked me and sent me messages saying shes moved and wants to tell me something or speak to me about something but I personally dont feel ready to talk as I dont want to be put back into that same place I was mentally. What if you start talking again and old feelings resurface? Despite going on several dates after breaking up with their ex-partner, they never met anyone worth having a serious relationship with. ), I reached out 1-2 weeks ago (2-years later), got no response. Since you can never really know why they contacted you, you shouldnt make assumptions about anything. Ignore it. Some of our newly rediscovered friendships may very well pick back up and grow in their meaning in your lives, as theyll reflect the shared experience of the pandemic anxiety and fallout that is happening as the friendship is heating back up. The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding, How a Stronger Body Can Transform Your Identity, Two Questions to Help You Spot a Clingy Partner-to-Be. I understand why one might feel this way to be honest. Im not sure if Im doing the right thing. On a bitter note, they couldnt handle the happy, successful life you are leading. Granted, I was also really young comparatively (mid-twenties) and I didn't understand that closure comes from yourself, not another person (I had a really wonderful therapist help me work through this paradigm-shift). Why Did My Ex Unfriend Me But Not Block Me? In addition, we might reach out to friends who have been there before, and dealt with a life-altering event. Have you ever considered getting back with your ex? If you have a close friend or someone who knows your history with your ex, spill the beans about the text and ask for advice. There are some things only you know about your partner. When exes come back after no contact, it startles you for a second. Even if you do respond, make sure you can do so in an indifferent manner, says Jaseena. I'd suspected he had too. If you still have feelings for your ex, that doesnt mean you should talk to your ex and get your hopes up. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. Different people have different norms around contact and friendship over time and after a relationship ends. Its difficult to find someone who accepts you the way you are. Some couples break up in the heat of the moment for ridiculous reasons. He'd already tried to reach out to me a couple times, but I wasn't ready. Thanks to you, I got myself together :)) But if your ex keeps messaging you afterward and shows a lot of interest in you in one way or another, then your ex probably wants to be friends or is gathering the courage to ask you out again. I stopped going to the club in case they came again. I think youre right. How have you been?, dont conclude that the nasty text they sent to you while breaking up meant nothing, and that they want to get back together. How else do you handle an ex coming back when there is such a big, unresolved issue?. This was a little bit before the internet was such a big thing, so he wasn't able to find me online. I got a message on Linkedin today andI'm so confused (the message said I came up in their feed I don't even know how that's possible we live in opposite side of the world, work in different industries and don't share contacts)? It was interesting seeing him again. As if you both needed a reason to get even more heavily chemically attached to each other. I could tell knowing the truth was a huge weight off his mind. It was like a weight lifted. Unfortunately, though, she didnt miss you long enough. Heartbreak Burnout. Consider whether your ex is entitled to this kind of work from you. A year and a half is a long time to not speak to an ex. You can do one of two things, listen to what your ex has to say, or ignore them. Maybe they are still holding grudges against you and decided this is the right time to serve the cold dish of revenge. In some cases, exes break up and get back together more than once due to unhealthy relationship patterns or beliefs. IDK how that benefits anyone in the situation. It will only convey the message that you are still miserably hung up on them. Instead, it was their feelings about their ex and about the breakup that predicted contact: People were more likely to communicate with exes they still had feelings for. Long time. I will stay in a chaotic state of mind until I find out what they want after all these days.. Exes dont always want to get back together after reaching out. That usually means theyve contacted you for some companionship and not for anything serious. Similar to blaming, Paul says anger is a sign that they have not moved on, which tracks with the grief stage of a breakup. That's actually something I thought of doing. After thinking about it long and hard, your ex decides tore-establish contactand tell you how sorry they are. On the contrary, the partner who initiated this breakup would get a reality check. Will things be better now? The best way to handle this is by understanding the fact that sometimes a text is just a text, says Jaseena. Unfortunately, when they show up like this and vent about their problems on you, then disappear again, it just creates frustration and emotional turmoil for you. Do what's best for you. But apparently it has haunted him for 12 years enough to find me and ask. Some dumpers break up with their partners, enjoy their lives, date other people for a while, and then realize they arent happy. But heres what you should consider doing when you discover that your ex: To conclude, here are 7 things to do when an ex contacts you years later. My ex messaged me after a year. There is really no reasonlet sleeping dogs lie. Maybe you thought youve made your peace with whatever happened with your ex. Here are 7 reasons your ex might pop up months (or even years!) I said I didn't have any expectations of him, but I wanted to take ownership and say "I'm sorry" and took responsibility. Only exes who dont talk for 5 years or more sometimes start to change their opinion of their ex. Another reason why your ex contacts you suddenly after so long might be because they are struggling with their feelings alone. And then he behaved in such a way as if theres nothing to be addressed about how awkward the whole situation is. later: 1. Think about your life right now. Its . You are about to put a lot at stake here. I once reached out though, in a moment of guilt and stress, to an ex in attempt to apologize for everything that happened (at that time 4yrs in the past. And this epiphany has the power to escalate the steps of your ex coming back more rapidly than you thought. So they pick up the phone, dial your number, and hope youre just as lonely as them and willing to have a conversation. So, they are back to mess with your head, bring back all the memories, and stomp your progress in the healing process. It may not be worth getting dumped and hurt again. Absolutely nothing, your ex doesnt have an ulterior motive. But telling him things that would hurt him? I'm glad we spoke, given how messily and immaturely things had ended. Friendships are funny thingssome of the relationships you think are the deepest are really reflecting more about the intensity of that time in your life, not the genuine depth of the relationship. It's always best to think your course of action through first, and that includes whether you want to even respond. When an ex suddenly gets in touch with you out of the blue, it can be a confusing and frustrating situation. It helps us feel less alone and like were among others when we do video calls, but they also can drain energy when youre also spending long days on work video conferences. It's a theme in literature, film, TV shows even in the way products are marketed. ETA: He's the one who dumped me. Its like comfort foodmac-and-cheese may not be haute cuisine and it may not reflect what our normal menu offers, but it brings back images of childhood and safety and security. He thought were friends and the fact that he cheated on me was very conveniently swept under the rug. Very hard, traumatic at times. There is no pretentious behavior, and they are comfortable with each other. Other rekindled friendships will wane and possibly evaporate again, but they will leave the friends feeling better for having connected. Maybe theyve spent the past couple of years thinking about how perfect you were together and that they havent had a better relationship since. Anger is part of the journey to acceptance and moving on, so if they're still holding anger, resentment, or bitterness, they haven't totally healed.

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